How I Run: Better Off on the Treadmill?!?

It was my first race in 6 months, and also my first since my knee injury.

And there I go, stepping off a sidewalk as I turn around to make a snarky comment to my team. It wasn't even like it was one of the obstacles - just a sidewalk. My knee? It feels fantastic. Actually, it is pretty awesome that it came out unscathed. My ankle? Not so much.















As my classmate proclaimed loud enough for the entire class to hear - "You have a CANKLE..." Gee - thanks.

I was back in not quite peak - but getting there running shape only to be twarted again by the running gods. Grrrr!

At least I already have a physical therapy appointment for this week. And I figure that I can just shove it in a ski boot and still hit the slopes (if it ever gets cold enough to snow - people were wearing shorts today - seriously?!?).

As I count down to my 30th, if this is what getting old entails... no thanks, I'll stick to my 20s.

I Learn Something New Everyday

My mom - she is a shopaholic. She has been known to go to the mall 3 times in one day. She lives for sales. She is very passionate about her Christmas shopping.

Over the weekend she called and left a rather serious sounding message. I *needed* to get downtown and try on some boots so she would know what size I wore. While I don't want to hamper any present buying (especially considering how I can't even remember the last time I bought myself an article of clothing or a pair of footware), getting downtown to try on boots isn't as easy as it seems to my darling mother. I mean, seriously, I haven't been able to find the time to even get to the grocery store in the past few weeks (no wonder why I am losing weight - I have nothing to eat?!?!).

But alas, on Monday evening I took a little break from my school work and found myself downtown. I had a few minutes to spare before meeting Shell for a pre-concert drink and ducked into JCrew to try these babies on...

What I learned? First, that these really don't look all that cute on.

But more importantly, OMG my feet smell like something climbed into my shoes and died!! I've never known myself to have stinky feet, put as I shrugged my shoes off, this gawd-awful smell permeated through the entire shoe section!! After trying on the boots and getting dagger eyes from the sales girl, I couldn't get my kicks back on and get out of the store fast enough.

And ever since, I've been haunted by the lingering funky-feet smell despite numerous good scrubbings. I think I might have pulled a muscle this morning, trying to figure out if they really did smell or if it was just my imagination! When? Why? How did this happen?

Anyone else have stinky feet? How do you take care of the problem?

Oh - and while I wasn't a fan of the JCrew boots, I think I am digging these 2 pairs. What do you think?

Wanted: Time to Breathe

I haven’t really blogged in awhile, because honestly, there isn’t much blog-worthy material in my life right now. A typical day looks like this:

7:15 am – Alarm rings
7:33 am – Stumble out of bed
8:00 am – Head out the door
8:30 am – Arrive at school
7:00 pm – Go for run (admittedly not every day, although I have been working out 4/5 times a week. And the days I don't work out, well, I just work until 8.)
8:00 pm – Wait for bus
8:45 pm – Arrive home, “cook” dinner
9:15 pm – Shower
9:45 pm – Hop in bed, read a few chapters, and pass out

Exciting, eh? Doesn’t leave much time for fun…

Funny to think I back in late September I was bemoaning the fact that I had nothing to do. I was utterly bored and had no idea what to do with myself. But throw in 2 classes that I am taking, 1 that I am TA-ing (55 students means A LOT of time spent grading homework), old research, new research, and the ability to actually work out again (my knee is getting better, although I am still not 100%) – and I have no time for anything else.

On the bright side, that means no time to *think*. Things cross my mind, I get upset momentarily, and then something more pressing comes my way and the bad thoughts are pushed into the corners of my brain. Denial probably isn’t the ultimate answer to all my problems, but it is better than thinking about how I just wish Laura would call me, or email, or even just comment on facebook, about how Boston is moving back to Seattle in 2-1/2 weeks, about how KC is moving to Denmark in 2 months…

But despite spending seriously 2 billion hours at school a week, I do have a few tales to tell. I just need to find time to actually put the pen to the paper (or fingers to the keyboard). Maybe I should add “Write blog post” to my nifty color-coordinated “To Do” excel workbook. Have I ever mentioned how much I love excel?!?!

Tears

I'm not an overly political person. But I've voted in every election since I've turned 18 (that means 12, not just 3). I try to vote responsibly, taking the time to learn about what/who I am voting for. I vote because I can, but not because I am overly passionate about the political system.

But I cried today, when it was all said and done. I cried because our country is in the crapper - in more ways than one. And we need real change, a new voice, strong leadership; and I believe we might have found it. Once again, I'll be proud to say I am American.

And let me say, it was nice to cry for once because I am happy.

(A big shout-out to my (85-year old, Catholic) Grandma and her "lady-friends" in Pennsylvania!)

I could...

I could tell you about the intermural swim meet last week. But we sucked. Seriously. I didn't know I could swim that slow.

I could tell you about my hike this weekend. But you'd just hear about how it was SO crowded. I don't like hiking in crowds.

I could tell you about how I am giving my first lecture in 2 days. But, eek, I'm scared and rather not talk about it too much.

I could tell you about how I am pissed that the salon gave me a bum can of B&B Hair Powder. But the story has more effect when you can actually see how greasy my hair is.

I could tell you about craft night and the shirt I "made." But it is hard to describe and the picture is on my other computer.

I could tell you about how crazy busy this quarter is. But I am trying to play a mind game and tell myself it isn't that bad.

I could tell you about how Boston emailed me. But I don't want to deal with it until he actually gets back to Seattle. 4 weeks and counting.

An Unsent Email to Laura

L-
OK so I hate feeling like a pooper all the time and complaining, but there are really only 2 people that I feel like I can really be myself with, pathetic-ness and all. I guess I wanted to bring it up on the phone the other day, but it is just awkward to start talking about it, and then I regretted not doing so because I knew I'd probably feel better if I did.

I've been doing better. I've been so busy with school and have met some new people. But now that it gets closer to Boston potentially coming back, I'm just sinking back down. I have my moments, but in general the whole situation has been out of my mind, until recently. I hate not being in control of what is happening. I hate being reminded about how I fcked up. I hate being reminded how The Boy hurt me and how everything with Boston parallels that - and I was so stupid to fall for it again. I hate it when people (including him) tell me that he does care about me because why did someone who cares about me continue to make decisions that hurt me again and again. I'm sick of people telling me that I should start dating, or that I'll want to start dating soon enough - because I don't want to, not now and it doesn't feel like ever. I was happy when I was single, and then when I did open up and let someone(s) into my life, they walked all over me, so why would I want to do it again? I hate that Seattle is such a fcking small city. I hate the fact that while I have been slowly moving in a positive direction, there is the potential out there that I am going to knocked back on my ass, again. And I can't do anything about it He seems to be awful good at kicking me again and again when I am down - to the point where I just cringe and expect it to happen again. I hate that if he told me he made a mistake, I'd take him back (not immediately or unconditionally, but I still do believe in what we had).

I want to not miss you so much. I want to not feel guilty telling you that. I want to feel like myself again. I want to not feel so needy, Or so helpless. I know in time I'll be okay, but I want to be ok now.

I hate to tell you all this because I can't imagine it is fun to read. You don't even really have to respond - just telling you takes some of the burden off me because I don't feel like I am hiding everything. I hate putting you in an awkward position because I know he is your friend. But he smashed me into what feels like a million pieces and I don't feel like I can put it all back together without help. and no one knows me better than you.

I love you. and I miss you. And I'm seriously counting down the days till I see you in June. We are going running everyday. And you're making pizza. And we are going to trivia. You better be getting excited, because I sure as hell am.

-k

(I decided it is best to re-evaluate in the morning, and decide if I really want to send this.)

Published

A paper I wrote is getting published. My first one.

It's cool. In dorky way.

And it means another trip to DC.

School ain't so bad anymore.

Thinking Outloud

So we want everyone to vote. That is a good thing, right?

But do we want people who aren't informed to vote? Do we want people to vote for someone for who they think would be great to sit down and have a beer with? Do we want people to vote for someone solely based on the color of their skin? Solely on their gender? Solely on their political party?

It is easy to register to vote with all these mass registration drives and people with clipboards standing on street corners. And all you have to do is show up on election day. But it takes more effort to actually know and understand who and what you are voting for. And how many people take that time. Or while you can make an informed decision on the president, how much do you know about the candidates running for governor, senator, congressman? How much do you know about the tax levies or, in some states like Washington, initiatives? Do people realize how deceptive political ads may be?

No offense to anyone out there, but there are a lot of dumb people in this country. And I am kinda scared about how they make decisions. I'm kinda scared how smart people make decisions too.

Ummm... okay... end of political thinking... back to thinking about engineering-like things... Seriously. School kinds sucks right now.

(PS - if you want to learn more about the issues on the Washington -state, not city - ballot, you can come to our election potluck where my roommate's really smart friends give rather unbiased information on the issues. It will make you feel like the most informed voter out there!)

(PPS - I'm definitely not saying that people, smart or dumb, shouldn't vote. Without a doubt, VOTE!! But maybe learn a little bit more about the important elections/issues you are voting on.)